his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he's single and there are thong briefs.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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