My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
