This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
