the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
