Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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