you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
