New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
