Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
