Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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