whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
