She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
