I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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