You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
