I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My ATM looks so different sober.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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