Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
