I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
