Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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