there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
