How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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