Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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