its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)