True but thats because hes a fetus.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
