is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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