Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
