I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
