he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
