I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
