He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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