Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
