Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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