i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire