I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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