I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation