currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?