You really coming over, don't trick.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.