i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step