Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
