Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
