I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
