omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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