then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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