there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There r osticjed everywhere
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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