You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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