I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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