It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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