When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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