More tranny stories later!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
