I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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