You're so nebulous sometimes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
