Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
