Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
