i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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