I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
