my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
