respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
