Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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