I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
