She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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