im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
