He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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