when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
