In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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