I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
