Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
