And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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