I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
