honey bunches of taint.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
