Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize