Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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