If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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