She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
