Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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