the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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