operation have a gay friend backfired
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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