In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
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Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.