Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.