It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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