sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
