He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
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you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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