Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just threw up on my dentist
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
