with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
sex in a hospital.. check
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
