Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday