his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.