tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
