Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
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I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
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to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary