i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.