I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
