Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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